Thursday, December 22, 2011

Cars Crashing.



High and Cry by Radiohead
Might be the song that finally kills me.
Carefully constructed
For nine months
Built a whole world out of
Seventeen years.
Strengthened, determined
Gutted and incinerated
By an LOL,
GTG.
All the sharp points and inclines
Of line graphs
Dull and flatten on the I-4.
There is no hierarchy
In the overture of a spinning semi.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Mauve (5)


I woke up with a post-it stuck to my forehead and a glaze over my eyes that you would not believe. I swam around in the bunched up sheets and pounding headache for about a full minute just to dislodge an arm. In Bobbi’s flowery handwriting over the neon pink, I gathered the information to take a few aspirin, drink lots of water, and call for Justine if I needed to throw up.
            In a wave of nausea, I crumpled it and ran a hand over my forehead. It was sweaty and the post-it adhesive had made a faint sticky stripe across it.
            Pulling down the blinds to darken the belligerent onslaught of sunlight, I flopped back down into the bed that was both my respite and tormentor.
            An hour and seventeen minutes later, I padded slowly into the kitchen. My size nine feet kept sticking to the tile and making that schlip, schlip sound as I walked which alerted Justine to my presence.
            My roommate was perched on the couch with the TV tuned to the Food Network at a barely decipherable volume. She had one of her four-inch, stuffed to the gills binder out in front of her and a yellow highlighter poised in her left hand. Grad school always kept her busy as hell.
            “Hey,” she said as I reached for a bowl out of the cabinet.
            I barely grumbled out a responsorial ‘hey’ back as I watched the Captain Crunch cascade from its packaging.
            “You okay?” she asked, shifting herself to face me more directly. I wished she hadn’t because I probably looked damn awful.
            “Fine,” I said. I wasn’t going to bother with the milk. Just collecting the combination of bowl, cereal, and spoon was enough activity for the present moment.
            “Okay well tell me if you need anything. I’ll be around.”
            I nodded but she didn’t see it because she was already absorbed once more into the world of advanced journalism and Paula Deen’s latest heart attack.
            I brought the bowl back to my room and sat on my bed once more, careful not to tip it and spill all over my daisy patterned comforter.
            Feeling a little better thanks to all the ‘essential nutrients’ I was spooning into myself, I reached up for the blinds to pull them back up now that I was slightly more normalized. As I meddled with the intricate dance that is handling classic blinds, I caught sight of ballpoint scrawlings across my forearm. Pulling it closer for further inspection I could see that it read Levi Brandt 3252878818. Still images of laughter and sidewalks and a parking lot full of Hondas began to emerge from my subconscious.
            As I held this newfound information up to the sunlight, I heard my phone jostle to life on the nightstand, cranking out the lyrics to my favorite Journey song as it vibrated violently. Reaching for it, I saw the screen flashing the same number that was inscribed on my skin.
            It took me a moment of staring at the inordinate number of eights on the screen to gather the courage to answer.
            “Hello?” I grogged.
            “Hey.”
            I bit my lip and tapped my fingers against my thigh.
            “I know it’s not cool to call a girl before a twenty-four hour period or whatever, but I’ve been feeling like hell for the last hour and couldn’t help but think that you probably were too.”
            “You’re probably right.”
            He sighed as if he were slightly disgusted with himself.
            “Look, I’m real sorry about that.”
            I tugged at the neckline of my tee shirt, suddenly aware of the fact that Bobbi probably had to dress me last night. It probably wasn’t the first time or anything, but it was still embarrassing.
            “Don’t be.” The words seemed to come out of my mouth with no mental intervention whatsoever. “I’m pretty sure it was more my fault than yours.”
            He groaned in pain through the phone connection. “Let’s call it a tie or else I might never forgive you.”
            I smiled into the receiver.
            “Hey,” I started, “Where’s your British accent?” I asked, noticing that there was a distinctive Americaness to his speech. He hadn’t called me ‘love’ once.
            “Oh god,” he said, “Did I have an accent? Really?”
            “You claimed to hail from ‘the great land of Essex.’ Your words not mine.”
            He gurgled incoherently.
            “Yeah… This is really embarrassing but I sometimes speak in accents after drinking to excess. It’s this inexplicable habit I have. I should be psychoanalyzed. Truly.”
            “Well I was completely convinced if that helps.” I was a little disappointed, I’ll admit it.
            He groaned again in pain.
            There was a throbbing ache in my brain stem. I flopped onto the covers with the phone still pressed to my ear.
            “Is this a thing that people do?” he asked, “Meet someone over a drink and then call them to share in the misery of their hangovers?”
            I chuckled, feeling a little loopy still. “It’s pretty funny when you think about it,” I said.
            We sat in silence for the next three minutes. I heard his breathing through the connection. It mixed with my own and the sound of a commercial for a new episode of Rachael Ray sifting through the walls.
            “Okay, this might be a weird thing to ask you,” he started.
            I shifted and pulled a pillow under my head. “What?”
            “Can I, I mean, Would you let me… paint you?”
            “Paint me?”
            “No, I don’t mean like paint you. Your portrait. A portrait of you.”
            No one had ever asked me anything like that.
            “I mean I know I just met you and everything but when I told you I though you were cute, I meant it. I could help but adore the shape of your face and how it complements your eyes and neck.”
            “My neck?”
            “Yes.”
            “I find it funny that you remember my face so well but you couldn’t even remember you spoke in an accent all night.”
            I heard sharp intake of air as he winced from his headache. “Call it an artist’s memory.”
            I paused, sifting through this new information.
            “I don’t want to sound pushy or anything, so you don’t have to do it of you don’t want to.”
            “Sure, I guess. I’ll let you paint me.”
            I could hear the smile in his voice. “Okay, just please don’t wear the pink dress.”

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Writing and Photography.


I’m no widow
And I’m no adulteress
But epileptic ethereality
Makes my heart pound in an unfamiliar
Drumbeat of intrigue.
Prose never slams me against the wall,
Insulation humming with the impact of my
Shoulder blades.
The wholesome passion of
Everything
Competes against
Disjointed, intoxicating frission.
No one said this would be easy,
Except us,
Because we were once
Childhood lovers
And
Teenage infatuants.
Wandering eyes
Find dead ends at the cold intersection
Of unfamiliar reality and
Distance from you.
Spin me again
Into your pulsating foxtrot
And I will give you my soul
Always.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

On NaNoWriMo.

So let me start off by saying that yes, I have been crap about posting lately. (Oh so eloquently put by the creative writing blogger)
I'm really trying to work on that. This is not a project that I'm going to abandon.
Well, sort of.
I'm writing this update post to inform all of you eager and avid readers of The Fight To Write that I will be participating in National Novel Writing Month for the entirety of November. As you might know, writing a novel is a rather time consuming activity and so I will be using all of my writing energy to focus on this particular project.
I probably won't post on a regular schedule, but maybe every so often I might publish snippets or quotes from my novel or some writing advice that I've found helpful just to let you all know that I'm still here and still writing.
Is anyone else out there doing NaNo as well?
If so, I salute you, a fellow comrade heading into a very unique sort of battle.
I've taken a different approach to my story this year, I hope it will all work out in the end.
Wish me luck.
xoxo
-Jade Elizabeth.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Utopia.

Where I live
Seasons are experienced on the back porch.
Fifteen by thirty feet of Trex,
Upholstered seating, 
And Atlas 
Spinning his macrocosmic 
merry-go-round.

Summer in the suburbs,
A breathtaking 
Confinement.
Trading premature nostalgia
For a child’s sort of ignorance. 
A c’est la vie natural high
Of melted bomb pops down your arm
And sunbathing,
Absurdly inconspicuous,
As the light reflects off the two way mirrors. 
A season of 
Stars swathed in peach-colored light pollution, of
Wishing the pops and cracks of the house yawning
Were boys throwing pebbles,
Of wondering
If prowlers had leaned on this same railing
Here before me.
And not being hasty to prove my late night 
Paranoias
As weakness.

Verdant vitality
Wanes
Like a fairest sister’s early demise.
Inevitable
As it is with anything too brilliant for permanence. 
The mass extinction of October,
Basic clockwork,
Gorgeous cataclysms evident 
In the supernova of autumn foliage. 
Woolen academia
Forces away
Supper under sun umbrellas 
And leaves us 
Watching the canopies confetti
The lawnmower stripes
Measuring our backyards.

Post surrender,
Icy eaves
Frost our hibernaculums
Like wedding cakes.
Uniting us with that serious beauty: winter. 
Our observation decks are
Closed for the season.
In hot chocolate trances
We doubt the verity of such dangerous
Purity behind the Plexiglas;
Fingers curled around crate & barrel mugs. 
Fortunately, we have the 
Sudden influx of toy commercials 
As reassurance. 

It isn’t until April,
That docile, weeping thing,
Offers up several million prenatal heads
That we believe in regeneration again. 
The forts melt into dirty, iced rubble
And the quotidian menagerie 
Begins stirring once more.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

The Girls.


My dad left me the girls when I was twelve. Marlo was my favorite, but I sortof liked Jackie too, when she wasn’t doing coke.
It should have tipped me off to something, anything, that I was smarter than all of them. I had kept books for my father since I was old enough to read and analyze. So when his life was threatened, he knew he could trust me to run the business better than anyone. Better than Kaybo, better than P. Dope, or even Wilson who was successfully running three of his own and knew every in and every out of turning profit.
I knew the girls wouldn’t cheat me. I was Wes Hilden’s daughter. Wes Hilden, who held an inexplicable power over them, even from the grave. They took clients, usually an average of three a night, dropped off their earnings to me and passed out. They were all highly trained and highly broken. This was my father’s legacy.
“So you need me to pick you up anything, Jenny?” asked Marlo, sifting through last weeks Cosmo. She was draped over the leather armchair, her legs freshly shaven and glowing in the soft lighting.
“No thanks,” I said, going over my calculations for the third time, my eyes hungry for any misplaced number.
Marlo sighed and ran a hand through her lovely, wavy hair.
“Well,” she started, sitting up, “Is it me or Polly who has runner duty tonight, I forget,” she bit her knuckle, smiling and chuckled like that was the most amusing thing she could have said.
“Polly. You can have the night off if you want it. I mean, you’d only be available for the late late shift right?” I asked, assessing her with my darkest, brown eyed glance before returning to my numbers.
“Right.”
I nodded and kept working, setting last night’s spreadsheet aside and reaching for a brand new one. My father had never looked like he’d poured over a thing in his life, as in a nose-to-the-grindstone, this-is-my-livelihood kind of way, but I was constantly busy. Maybe I attributed it to his built-up glory, he was Wes Hilden, he didn’t work he owned. And sometimes, he owned you.
She was watching me, Marlo. It was something she did all the time and it never ceased to make me uncomfortable. I always detected the faintest aftertaste of dominance. She was so much older, almost twice my age. I fought the thought that was clawing its way around the foggy recesses of my brain. I did know what I was doing here. I always knew what I was doing. This was my inheritance. I was in control.
“You know,” she says, when I haven’t glanced back at her for a full minute, “I don’t know if you know this or not, but some of the other pimps in the area are getting suspicious. Wondering who the great Hilden left his empire to.”
I stopped scrawling. “How do you know that?” I asked.
She shrugged haughtily, “I get around, Jenny.”
“How suspicious are they getting Marlo?” She wanted my attention, she had it. I needed to know if she was bluffing.
She recoiled slightly, flipped her hair, and addressed me once more. “Not very. But I wouldn’t get too comfortable.”
She stood, on her way out. Before she’d crossed the threshold, she turned back slightly. I was watching as she left.
“Now are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up anything, Jenny?”
I smiled a tiny, little smile. “Maybe a new package of printer paper.”